The birth of your first child is supposed to be one of the most memorable events in a parent’s life. Unfortunately, it can be most distressing for the parents if the grandparents are fighting. Sometimes even those who are supposed to know better just don’t. Maybe they don’t like having to share with other grandparents or maybe there are reasons for their aggravating behaviour. Sometimes there is a difference of opinion about the suitability of either parent (in the in-laws opinion) or a difference in religious or economical ideas. Whatever the reason, it is very unpleasant for the new parents to have to deal with disputes or friction amongst their nearest and dearest.
Sometimes divorce, remarriage or similar circumstances among the grandparents will create a problem for the new parents. They will not want to offend or upset either parent but will want all parents to share their joy.
Perhaps, just while you are around your children and grandchild you could put aside your differences, for their sakes. If not, perhaps you could schedule visits so you don’t have to meet up with anyone you cannot be around. Even if you have to use a third party to communicate surely you can organise something that will not upset the new parents. This is their special time and they want to share their joy, not listen to old arguments rehashed.
A good idea is to decide what each name each grandparent is to be called. One may want to be Grandma. What if they both do? Perhaps one could be Grandma (Surname or Christian name), or one could choose to be Granny, Nanny, Nanna, or if they are from another country their language could be used, for example, Nona. Ideally, this should be decided in the presence of the new parents but if the deciding turns into an argument, it may need to be decided later. Wait until everyone has had a chance to calm down and think. Most often, it will sort itself out with one of the grandparents happily choosing an alternative. If it doesn’t and no one will compromise, there is no real reason for there not being two Grandmas. It is usually just easier for the family’s to differentiate if everyone is called by a different title.
The most important thing is to enjoy being a new grandparent. It doesn’t matter what you’re called, or what you think of those people you will probably only see a couple of times a year, or what they think of you, the things that matter are the important ones- your children and your grandchildren. Don’t let anything get in the way of your special time with your first grandchild.
